Consequences.

So yesterday I posted on "First Time I say it..." and I realized I didn't say what happens when they don't; so here are my thoughts on our consequences and punishments: Now each family has to decide what is right for them, based on their kids and personalities; but again this is what works for us.

Time outs. If they don't obey the first time they are immediately taken to time out. {2mins for MW, 4 mins for Lo--it's based on age}
After time out they are to get up and apologize to whomever they hurt/disobeyed and they they are to recite an appropriately matching Bible verse to plant those seeds in their hearts.

Obedience-”Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Eph. 6:1

Lying-“Keep your lips from speaking lies.” Ps.34:13

Lying “An honest person has respect for the Lord.” Pro. 14:2

Fear- ‘When I am afraid I will trust in You.” Ps.56:3

Kindness-”Be kind to one another, tender hearted and forgiving each other just as Christ forgave you.” Eph. 4:32

Friendship—”A Friend Loves at ALL times...” Proverbs 17:17

Kindness-“So let us do all we can to live in peace. And let us work hard to build each other up.” Rom. 14:19

Anger-”Fools give full vent to their rage but the wise bring calm in the end.  Pro. 29:11

Patience—“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Eph 4:2

Good Attitude--Brothers and sisters, continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected. Phil 4:8 

Strength--“I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.” Phil 4:13

Also we are big believers in natural consequence. If they fight over a toy or disobeying me while playing the iPad or watching a show, then it is taken away immediately and then most likely going to time out on top of that. {Time out really allows them and YOU the moment to cool off and calm down, before proceeding with any other consequence--if necessary at all, you don't want to go overboard. They are just kids and learning.}

As a side bar Leighton is highly emotional and we have to be careful in our discipline and allow her the time to calm down sometimes. She can get so out of control in crying hysterics that she doesn't hear anything we are saying and begins to panic and literally hyperventilate.  At this point we ask her to do breathing techniques and speak as soft as we can to her. Sometimes we have to leave her in her room to calm down and sometimes we have to hold and rock her...just depends on the moment, the problem and situation at hand. But you are smart parents you know when you kids need you and when they are playing you.

For instance the other day we asked Lo NOT to jump off the piano bench for fear she would get hurt. She did so anyway, and DID get hurt. Scrapped a chunk of skin off her back. OUCH! We felt bad for her and showed appropriate sympathy and care for her wound, but she still went to time out for it and we discussed how that injury could have been avoided if she had only listened. Now she goes around saying "I really wish I would have listened and not jumped off the bench, so my back wouldn't hurt."
"I know baby girl, let that be a lesson to listen next time and trust us!"
"I know, I will." Natural consequence.

We really let the situation be our guide on the punishment. There have been times one child had to sit on a park bench while the other played for a little while due to not minding.

These all seem so harsh when typing them out and I hated doing it, but you know what, we have fewer of these consequences now because they learned from them. And bottom line they KNOW momma and daddy MEAN BUSINESS. If we say it WE MEAN IT!

I am big on that. I make sure that the "threats" I give my kids can be backed up. I don't threaten to take all their toys and throw them in the trash if I am not really going to do that...so if I say I MEAN IT.

This also builds on our word ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS means something. IF you say you will do something, then you will honor it and DO IT! Positive or negative. I said I would take them to the park then I better do it!

And finally, like I said my kids are good kids and I make sure they know it. We reward and praise positive behavior all.the.time.  As simple as "thank you for obeying me..." or "that was so nice to share that...with..." and so forth. I don't want my kids to think they world revolves around them or that I need to stroke their egos, but I do want them to recognize I see the good and the bad. No one likes it when they feel like they are being picked on or all mom notices is everything I do wrong. I want them to hopefully recognize that we noticed both! :)

And that is how we do it here. :) We aren't perfect and we screw this up plenty, but I find having a plan in place first makes it easier to implement then on the fly.
Maybe you found this helpful, maybe you didn't, but like I said I want my kids to know where I am coming from one day as they sit and therapy thinking about their childhood. ;) Just kidding...sort of.

First Time I Say It...

This post is really for me and my kids.

My blog is a story of our lives that I enjoying sharing with everyone, but it is also a journal for my kids to be able to one day look back on and remember what they were like as babies, and toddlers, as well as the thoughts mommy had all about life. Because I am a real person, not just Leighton and Micah's mom.

This is just what I have found to work for us.

I have never really struggled with the "terrible twos." Sure we have had our moments, that sometimes lasted a week or so, but overall they both are really good kids. I find myself wondering if it has to do with our parenting style, their genetics, or a combination of both.

Most likely the latter.

{when Leighton was 2...}

Chad and I truly believe in expectations. You will always get from your kids what you expect from them. If I expect that are incapable of managing their emotions at the tender age of 2 then they won't. Sort of like potty training; my expectation of my kids was that they WERE capable of mastering this skill at the age of 18 months and they did. I can go on and on about how my kids know what I expect of them and if they behave differently then there will be a consequence. 

In today's generation I feel that essence of expectation is gone. Everyone is entitled to just "do what they want." Unacceptable. :) When I was growing up it was the same way.

When we first moved to "Mayberry" we got real cable for a brief time, since it was free-ish. During that time I got into the 19 and Counting show on TLC with the Duggar family. Now if there is one other person in this world entitled to write a parenting book aside from God himself {aka the BIBLE}, it is Michelle Duggar. 19 kids. And not just any kids, very well-behaved, respectful kids, who love the Lord. 

During one of the episodes she said to one of her kids, "First time I say it..." "You obey it." Replied the child. Holy cow this blew me away. What a novel idea. Why hadn't I thought of this?! My kids are good and fairly well-behaved, but I still found myself saying over and over again to stop! How often do your kids know your limit whether it is 3x or 12x; they know how many times you are going to ask before consequence sets in. It's a gift they possess. And why shouldn't be the FIRST TIME?!

I immediately implemented it and at the tender ages of 1 and 3 they both did it. As life would have it my inconsistency won out and over time it faded. We still said it, but the meaning was lackluster at this point. 

My mother in law got us this book on Raising kids to Love the Lord. In it they talked about this same principle  but they shed new light on it that tripped my trigger to remain consistent. They spoke that by teaching your children this principle now that when GOD asks them to do something, they will the FIRST time HE asks. WOW! This is so important to me. I want my kids to love the Lord and to obey him THE FIRST TIME.

I know Chad and I struggle with always trusting in what God asks of us and how many blessings did we miss out on because of that lack of obedience. How many blessings do our kids miss out on because the didn't obey us the first time and now they are in trouble. They didn't see the big picture that I may reward them with a trip to the park after our errands if they were "good**." Most likely the same happens to me with God. 

This "First time I say it..." principle has revolutionized our parenting. They both know where that line is and there are wait for it...LESS tantrums/meltdowns because of it. For instance Micah is a very strong willed child, he kept throwing flubber/playdough on the ground. I asked him to stop and said "first time..." He repeats "obey it." Then he proceeded to throw it on the floor again. I bent down,  picked it up and said all gone. I told you not to throw it again and you disobeyed. There were no tears. No meltdowns. Just a defeated "okay." 

Now the first few days were a tad rough where they had to re-learn the line, but after that it is fine. I am a yeller. I don't yell, near as much anymore at them, because I am not constantly telling them to stop something 15x in a row before they stop. Our home is more peaceful. I pray we continue this. 

I am not going to lie it is hard at times to be consistent  You want to keep giving chances because you love them, but overall it is for their own good to be firm. 

I had someone ask me if this means they don't get to do anything or ask for things. NO! This is not a dictatorship, far from it. Chad and I are fairly permissive parents within reason. The kids do what they want for the most part, this is for when I am ready to leave the gym and they are running all over refusing to put their shoes on, or when we need to leave the park (after I give ample warning that play time is ending), or when it is time to go to bed or when they are about to run into the street and become roadkill; those are the kinds of things I am referring to here. 

Bottom line all our discipline stems from love and the overall big picture and this is just another way we hope we are raising our children to be well-behaved and respectful citizens of the world.

**I use the term good loosely because I am fully cognizant of the fact that they are 2 and 4 and going grocery shopping with mommy is NOT their idea of a good time. I think some people forget that as I get looks from strangers as my kids run up and down the aisles while I am shopping. I call it a win if there was no meltdowns, hitting, screaming, tears, and of course they obeyed when asked...the first time. ;)


PT Two on Consequences HERE