Kids Say the Darnedest Things

In some ways I wish I could just record every word that comes out of my kids' mouths. If you only knew how choosy I was with the "jokes" I record. Their dad is hilarious---to other people; sometimes to me, but mostly other people and our kids. So naturally these two yahoos would take after his witty sense of humor.

For instance:

The kids were fighting. I am big on making them repeat Bible verses as part of the re-direction/correction process.
M: A Friend Loves at ALL times...Proverbs 17:17
MW: I NOT love Lei Lei all times.
M: ::trying to fight back a smirk and laugh:: Not kind Micah, not kind, she is your very best friend, so treat her like one!
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Micah apologizes all.the.time. If he barely taps you it's "I'm sorry mama..." I was telling Chad this--
Chad: "Well, he's a man, he is just practicing for the future when that is all he will do."
M: Funny.
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MW: Lei Lei loves me MUCH! ::hugs her very tight!::
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Micah is potty trained as you know. And his new thing to do is say "wiggle wiggle wiggle" as he goes potty while wiggle wiggle wiggling his boy parts. I just think it is too funny not to share or remember, sorry if you are offended. :) Not sure where he learned it, but I suppose it doesn't take boys long to figure that out. HA!

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I have this new sleep app and it monitors my sleep. Chad gets into bed like a herd of elephants, messing up my app. So I tell him this.
Chad: oh this from you Miss Gymnastic flips all over the bed all night.
M: Whatever, I am as graceful as a ballerina.
Chad: A ballerina who is tripping over her toe shoes.
{one of those rare moments I found him funny-most likely because I was tired. ;) )
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Chad started calling Lo Lil Bit.
Lo: Well come on big bit.
Chad completely dumb founded...
M: you called her Lil Bit, so she is calling YOU big bit.
Lo: Yeah, see daddy. Lil bit (points to herself). Big bit (points to daddy).
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Leighton was not napping. When I got on her she said "Well, God told me to wake up and clean up this mess!"
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She plays draw something with the neighbors. I hear her shout "Micah scribbled this and then her no guess it now." Probably had to be there, but it was hilarious. Micah is always up in her grill and she takes her draw something game very serious.
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One afternoon after Easter we were walking around the neighborhood and she found a lost plastic egg in someone's yard. She opened it and it was empty she exclaims "HE IS RISEN!!!" {thank you Resurrection Eggs!}
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Leigthon is learning to spell. One day she spelled cat on her own K-A-T and shows me. Mommy what does this say?
M: Cat, but honey Cat starts with a "C" not a "K."
Lo: well then what does THIS spell {shows me the same word KAT}
M: Cat, but cat starts with a "C."
Lo: but mommy then what does this spell.
M: CAT!!!!!! I know it doesn't make sense, but cat starts with a "C" not a "K."
Lo: Fine then mommy, but I still don't know what this spells.
M: heavy sigh. This is why I am NOT a teacher...

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Leighton has been into re-naming everyone lately. She has re-named Micah--Kason, Brecken, and Kasalyn. One day she called him one of these names for the 100th time and Micah shouts loudly in the middle of the store "my name is MICAH!"
BAHAHAHA!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

While driving she sees a car that looks like Meg's Saturn...

Leighton: I like Meg's car. Saturns are all over. I don't like the KU bird on it though.
I like papa's car better because he has a WU shock AND a K-State Wildcat now. {We got my dad one of those "house divided" license plates for his birthday.}

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Micah was running around the living room when all of a sudden he just STOPS!
MW: {shouting} POTTY!! RUN FAAAAAAAAASSSTT!!!
proceeds to bolt down the hallway to the bathroom, where he promptly pulls down his underoos, climbs up all by himself and goes! {HUGE MILESTONE!!}

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Leighton is telling me this all the time:
"Don't worry mom I will take care of MY brother, he is MY son."

I was telling Lo that Grammy and Meg were going to babysit, but Meg was sick {with a sinus infection}, so she may need to help take care of Meg instead.
Leighton: "Mom, I will tell grammy that I will babysit my Micah, but I can't take care of Meg TOO!" HA!

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One afternoon, ending in "y" I was telling Chad how I dislike our poodle Tucker. I can't stand his barking and our next dog can not be a barker...we should get a big dog because they don't bark as much as little dogs.

Chad: "You know what animal doesn't bark? A CAT!"

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Lately Leighton has been into chewing on things-her hair, her sheets, her clothes, and her lovie, poodle. I can NOT tell you how gross this is. I repeatedly tell her it is disgusting and not to do it.

Later she comes up to me and says:
"Mom, you won't believe this but Ella {her stuffed Elephant friend}, chewed on poodle! You are going to have to wash poodle because now he smells like vomit!"

M: oh "ella" chewed on poodle did she?!
Lo: "Yes mom she did, I told her not too and now she is going to time out."
M: "well as long as you are dealing with it..."

So many things wrong with this, but it is too funny to be mad.

Things Daddy AND Lo Say...

When you live with two funny people they are bound to come together and make you laugh out loud.
This is one of those laugh out loud moments that I want to capture.

Leighton: holdsju daddy.

Daddy: I don't want to play horseshoes.

Leighton: ::dumbfounded:: ::pretty sure what I just said was clear, let me try again face::

Leighton: holdsJU DADDY!

Daddy: Oh! You want me to hold you.

{just for the record he knew what she was saying, we are just having a lot of fun teasing her now that she is talking more.}

Also, Lo use to say "hold me," but then Landrey came for a visit and always said "holdsyou." Guess Lo thought she was right and she was wrong, because since then she has switched it up.

The Things Daddy Says...

While driving home:

Daddy: referring to Lo "she is definitely a girl, one minute she is happy and the next she is mad."

Me: ::eyes narrow, looks at Chad with annoyance.::

Daddy: "see, it just happened to you."

Me: "You are just so funny."

The Things Daddy Says...

Scene: Michele lying in the middle of the living room floor whining. {Might I add that I haven't slept well in 4-5 nights...I.am.very.tired.}

Michele: "Guys? Guys? Guys I think I see a bright light and I am just going to go to it now."

Chad: "Is it a stage light? Because I think you are being really dramatic right now."

The Things Daddy Says

My hubby cracks me up on a daily basis. Sometimes it is funny haha and sometimes it is just like seriously?

Our actual conversation
Yesterday PM

Chad: We only have TWO rolls of toilet paper left!
Me: Seriously, I could have sworn I just bought some.
Chad: Well this is all there is I didn't see any more down there.
Me: Ok (thinking he didn't even look I am sure there is more...)

This AM
As I am picking up after hurricane Leighton, Tucker and Toby, I enter our storage room.
There sits a completely unopened package of 24 rolls of TP.

Me: Chad, what is this?
Chad: Well, that is not where you normal keep it.
Me ::roll eyes:: it is right there in the middle of the storage room in plain sight.
Chad: you know for someone who has above perfect vision I don't see too well.
Me: You think.

And that is it. I will never understand how he misses these things.

The things daddy says...

This may be a new edition to my blog.

Set scene:
Tonight at dinner we had spaghetti and meatballs.
Chad pulls back from the table, looks down and sees he has spilled sauce all down his shirt.
We both sigh.

Me: "Seriously, Baby Leighton has no food on her clothes."
Daddy: "Well, she has a competent adult feeding her, I don't."