~~~~~~~~~~
Last Thurs (Oct. 7th) we had our specialist appointment. It started off with the longest sono I have ever endured. The tech measured every.single.body part. on this boy. {Oh and he is FOR SURE a BOY! He left nothing to the imagination that morning. HA!} Of course it seemed to take extra time because he couldn't sit still and she had to take the measurements several times. Then he decided to bury his head way down in my bladder and hide. Those of you who have had babies know personality in the womb equals personality outside the womb. I am definitely in for another treat!
Sorry for that bunny trail.
After that we saw the OB. Our Boy has these cysts in his brain. This occurs often in pregnancy and can mean nothing or it can be a "soft/weak" marker for Trisomy 18. After doing the second sono they are very confident based on development that our son does NOT have Trisomy 18.
Next up was the heart. Most babies with a developmental disability will have a heart defect. Our son did have a calcium deposit on his heart, again something fairly common and again another "soft/weak" marker for Down's.
At this point I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and trying to hold it together. This moment was a moment that was a culmination of everything that has been going on with this pregnancy up to this point.
Chasing a bunny trail:
I also (at 19 weeks) was diagnosed with a bacterial infection {BV} that puts me at risk for pre-term labor. Starting at 16 weeks I was experiencing contractions both real and braxton, but it took me 3 weeks to finally talk to the doctor about it. I just assumed this may be "normal." I was put on a fun little antibiotic to help clear up the infection, but it doesn't necessarily cut your risk of pre-term labor. :/ I am just to be conscientious at this point, but really that is all that I can do unless something more happens.
So when I go in for my 20 week ultrasound and I start hearing all this new news I am just at my wits end. I just never realized my pregnancy could be this difficult. I am having a hard time understanding all this, except God is really testing my faith and trust in Him by putting me through the refiner's fire.
Back to the appointment.
My options at this point are to do an amnio to know for sure if our son has down's or just wait and see at birth. The amnio comes with the risk of miscarriage (1/1600). Our doc asked us to think about whether knowing now was worth the risk of a possible miscarriage?! Considering they felt like our chances of having a Down's baby was around 1%.
To some of you the answer may be simple and clear, but to me it wasn't. One percent sounds like nothing, but to me it might as well have been 10, 20 , or 50%. I am a planner, I felt like I needed to know. It isn't that it would change anything or I would love our son less if he happens to be Down's, I just felt like knowing would help us know what to do if he is Down's.
However, Chad was not on board with the amnio and our Dr. wanted us to go home and sleep on it. She said she would gladly give us another ultrasound at 28 weeks to check his growth and see if they could see any other signs of Down's. (Although, Down's seldom shows up on ultrasounds).
It took me several days and talking it out with my sister (who was a high risk pregnancy with the same doctor) and my husband that made me realize that finding out and risking a possible miscarriage was not worth it.
At this point it is in God's capable hands. Some people might read this and think that there is nothing I need to worry about because the chance is so slim. All I can say is while mentally I realize that, my heart is still consumed with wonder. It is just a mommy feeling.
I do feel {mostly} at peace with my decision and I feel like my stress level isn't that high, but since that Thurs, my contractions and braxton hicks have picked back up...maybe that is a fluke or maybe it is stress related. Who knows.
I do still appreciate your prayers when you think of it. I wish I had the new sono pics loaded so I could show my son off to you, but alas I have no scanner, so that will have to wait for another post. :)
Thank you to all of you for your love and support of us, we can definitely feel it!
I will be praying for you. I would be scared/worried too, but remember you and baby boy are in God's capable hands and He will not give you more than you can handle.
ReplyDeleteTough stuff, and you have every right to be stressed. It's hard not knowing what is happening inside your very own body. Good news is, it does sound promising!! Hang in there! And about the amnio, there is no right or wrong decision, whatever is best for you and Chad.
ReplyDeleteYou and baby Q as well as Chad and Lo are in our prayers. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through and how can you not be stressed?! I'm glad you are able to put it in God's hands because at this point there is nothing else you can do, it is up to Him. Stay strong - that's what Baby Q needs as well as your family!!
ReplyDeleteAnd Baby Q - Hang tight in there for a while longer!! No one wants to meet you until closer to February!!!
I have recently just found your blog and I have never commented, but I feel compelled to make one. I have four children, three were "high risk" pregnancies - two vessel cord baby, potential Down syndrome (odds were six out of ten that he would have it), and a possible trisomy 13 child. All were born perfect. My husband and I chose not to have amnios - did not want to risk miscarrying - especially since God had made our child and we would accept what we were given no matter what. I know it is very stressful, scary, etc., but you just have to go with what is right for you and your family. You will be in my prayers and hope all is well.
ReplyDeleteBK
Michelle, I know exactly what you are going thru. When we were pregnant with Brookie I took the triple screening test? Based upon those results, they thought she might have Downs. Being younger and going thru our first pregnancy we did get an amnio. I'm a planner too and wanted to read up on everything I could if she did have Downs. The amnio came up negative. Needless to say, we never took that screening test with our other pregnancies. And, if we had it to do over, we would not do the amnio. Regardless we were keeping every one of our babies and we knew the Lord would provide the strength and grace we would need for any situation that might occur. All that to say, I think you are making a wise decision! I'll be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI will pray that you have a peace that passes understanding and that your faith grows during this time of unknowns. It is scary and it is natural to worry. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI didn't comment earlier but I have been praying for you daily!
ReplyDelete