Kids Say the Darndest Things {Pt1}

I haven't done one of these in forever and it isn't for the lack of hilarious things coming out both kids' mouths. My word they are sassy and quick witted. That's what happens when one sassy parent and one very quick witted parent come together and make babies. You get hilarious children. The level at which they are beginning to participate in our sarcasm makes our hearts swell. I have no idea why that isn't a fruit of the spirit we would all be set. HA!

Mostly it is for lack of mommy's memory and self deception that I will in fact remember what it is they say. So I finally found a crayon Thatcher hadn't chewed to bits and a piece of paper and wrote several down. {And I found some in a blog post I never published...so this list is long, so I decided to break it up into 2 parts. Hopefully you will get a good laugh.}

In no particular order.

We recently started using lavender oil to help us {aka Lo and I} to sleep better and her really just to GO TO BED! This convo occured the next morning.

Lo: Mom, did you sleep good using this stuff {lavender oil}.

M: yes I did. You?

Lo: YES! Man, I could barely read one book and then I was {acts out passing out like a light}. 

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Apparently I missed the memo that is was mis-matched day.
Mommy: Leighton please change I can't stand seeing you so mis-matched. {It's a disorder really.}
Lo: Well, mom for one point I don't want to waste clothes and make you do more laundry.
{She may or may not have heard that a time or seventeen.}

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Folding laundry. I noticed she put a pair of MW's undies in her pile and a pair of her's in MW's pile.
Um, Lo did you check the undie piles?
Lo: Well! I am not finished and I will get it straighten out in a minute.
BAHAHA!

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A few weeks ago {this summer!} Lo cut her ankle and achilles tendon area on a chair--badly. It ended up being ok and not needing stitches. Anyway, she was hopping around on one foot--you know to keep the dramatic value high and then the following conversation took place.
Daddy: Leighton walk on your foot instead of hopping all around.
Lo: Why?!
Daddy: Because you are going to fall and hurt yourself more. {It is a little known fact she is the most "graceful" child to live. ever.}
Lo: Why?
Daddy: Because you are a GINORMOUS KLUTZ like daddy, that's why!
I am still laughing about this--it is so true.

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I do puppets at church for the little kids. In my tree house I have a camera and I can see the kids. I love this, so I can spy on Lo when she doesn't know it. Anyway, I see her laying on the floor rolling around and acting bored during the lesson. When we get home from church I ask her about the lesson.
Lo: I don't remember the lesson...
Mommy: Well, maybe if you weren't laying down you could have paid attention better.
Lo: Well mom God gave me EARS so laying down doesn't really matter.
Mommy: touché

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This is why we have TWO kids for the sibling camaraderie.
Leighton got hurt at the park {see aforementioned gracefulness}. MW came over to check on her and to give her a hug and kiss.
Lo: why he do that?
Daddy: Because he loves you and he wants to make sure you are ok. Isn't that nice?
Lo: well this morning he was choking me.
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Somehow the catch phrase when "pigs can fly" came up in conversation. Leighton pipes up from the backseat and very matter of factually and borderline insistently states "No. They can NOT fly."
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Daddy loves shoes. Daddy orders lots of shoes to try on from a little company called Zappos.

The UPS man delivers a new box nearly every day. One day a new box arrived. Lo sees it and without missing a beat says "Hey dad, this box says ZAPPOS!" 

Why wouldn't that be her first word to read, it is as if we have our own shipping facility here now.

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We go to church on Saturday night. The timing can be a tad tricky due to nap wake up times, but we usually make it work. As in we drag MW out of bed, throw some pants on him and run out the door. As you can imagine this makes for just a slightly cranky boy; doesn't bother me he is going to the nursery. :) Just kidding. He is always happy for them. 

ANYWAY one afternoon in the car as MW was crying and whining I said "man, waking up is really  hard isn't buddy?"

Lo: Well, {comedic pause} that is why I don't take naps.

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We are big into Care Bears right now. They watch them all--old and new. On one of the shows, The Nutcracker, they face rats and apparently they call each other "cheese eaters." When the kids are trying to name call or really get someone they yell "Take that you cheese eater!" {I should probably be a better parent and not laugh, but I do.}

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My kids are now to the age where what they hear on shows is very influential and they repeat it. They watch good shows, so no worries. However, one day we were in Target and they were in the cart playing with a calculator shouting at one another over and over "anyone want to play 2 player?!" For the life of me I didn't get it. Where on earth did they learn this? We don't even play video games. Finally, it dawns on me. CARE BEARS strikes again. 

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We have been decorating for Christmas. I put Lo in charge of her little tree downstairs. I hear her tell Chad. "Finally, this is MY year! I get to help mommy decorate."

I nearly wet my pants laughing upstairs. She was just thrilled to help. The funny thing is I always let her help me, but the pride she had being in full command of that tree may or may not have reminded me of Monica Gellar myself.

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We are working on Lo making her bed every morning. I have my reasons. One morning she did it all without me asking.

M: Wow! And you did all of this without me asking?!

Lo: Wll, sometimes I like to do it without you asking and sometimes I want you to tell me 100x to do it.

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And that concludes pt. 1
come back tomorrow for pt 2.
I know you want too. :)