Original Date: August 3rd, 2010 (12 weeks)
So it is no secret that I have been anxious about this pregnancy. Lots of thoughts racing through my mind. Will the baby be ok? Will I miscarry? How can I love another child? How is our family going to change? Can I really mother two?
I haven't "bonded" to this baby like I did with Lo. From the second I found out I was pregnant with her she was all I thought and dreamt about. Maybe it is because of all my "fears" and anxiety or maybe it is because I am so busy with Lo I just "forget" about being pregnant. Either way this pregnancy hasn't been "real" to me yet. That is until last night.
I realize that I am somewhere around the 12 week mark and that this is on the early side, but I know what I felt. Last night Chad and I were watching a movie and I was lying still on the couch and all of a sudden I felt this fluttering deep in my belly in one spot. I felt the fluttering off and on for about a minute. I looked at Chad and said "I think I just felt the baby 'kick!'"
It felt just like it did with Lo all those memories came flooding back. I was 16ish weeks pregnant with her when I was lying in bed and felt the same thing. The fluttering aren't something you feel all the time or when you are active. Only when you lie very still and quiet can I detect them.
It was an amazing moment. I will say there is nothing I find enjoyable about pregnancy. I dislike practically everything about it. I hate the fatigue, the nausea, the cramping, getting "fat", going into labor etc. but there is one redeeming quality that I love. That is the "secret connection." The connection only you as the mother have with your baby. The one no one can take from you. When you first feel those flutters and only you get to experience that marvel. Carrying a baby is like having a secret to me, you learn one another and fall in love before your eyes ever meet. And that is what I love about being pregnant.
So baby Q today you are very real to me and I am excited to finally meet you!
Love Mommy
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